A reindeer won a poker tournament!

Yeah so I update my blog for the first time in about a month simply to post a small win. Well it's my blog and I do what I want! It may have only been 27 runners but it took about 4 hours because it was deepstacked. I went from chip leader with 11 left to short stack with 8 left to win.

I just haven't been remotely motivated to post at the moment. I still want to write up my Vegas trip. I guess I go through phases of wanting to blog a lot and not.

I'm still playing poker on nearly a daily basis. I'm withdrawing $100 every day for a wage since I'm not working. Back on PKR, span up from nothing as usual, but that site has sooooo many bad players it's unreal. Also, I am sticking to $100NL, I have not played higher in about 2 weeks, no matter how bad the swings! To me this is turning a new leaf. I even had an 11+ buy in day the other week, probably my best result in terms of buy ins in a day in my whole poker career! The roll is healthy but not gonna disclose that kinda shit anymore. Anyway my small brag post is over, I might get the big bad blogging bug back before bad beats befall me.

Back home

Well made it back in one piece. Will do a proper post soon. Jet lag really taking it's toll, man England seems so dull and boring now!

Vegas, wow...

This is not gonna be a detailed Vegas post I think I will write about it more fully when I get home but I had my first live cash game last night so thought I should write a few things.

Firstly, wow, Vegas is amazing. Check out tree man above from the Bellagio, this thing moved and spoke, lol. We flew in at night which for your first time in Vegas I think has to be done, the city is a different place at night all lit up and is just amazing. There is loads I could talk about but that will have to wait.

So last night I played my first bit of poker here in Sin City. I'm staying in the Mirage and after kinda passing out for about half an hour owing to drink and serious lack of sleep and body clock all over the place I went downstairs to the poker room to see what was going on. I was a bit nervous at first I have to admit but the staff are very friendly. I initially put my name down for a $70 sit and go as I didn't wanna risk too much but this never got going and I got bored waiting so chose to sit in a $1/$2 cash game. Min buy in $100, max $300 so I opted to sit with $150. I took the 4 seat and was dealt cards before I had even sat down and got my chips sorted, not sure if I was supposed to post a blind or whatever I looked at 910o and quickly mucked. The flop came 99x...

I was a bit nervous at first, this was my first live cash game ever so I played very tight to begin with, folded KQo UTG for the flop to come KKx, lol. After about 15 mins of bad cards I pick up 2 red aces in position, the game was quite loose and it wasn't uncommon to see a pre flop raise of between $10-$18 get 2 or 3 callers. So 1 limper and I throw in $15 with my aces and everyone folds, great. Very next hand I get AhKh and make it $10, this time I get 3 callers... The flop could have been worse when it came 7h8h10h, was anyone playing my favourite hand of J9 suited? Anyway two checks to me I bet $25, guy behind me folds and the two checkers both call, nice, please blank the turn I think. Turn 3 non heart, sweet. Two checks to me again and by now my heart is pumping a bit and my hand is even shaking a little. I'm a bit rookie at counting out my chips compared to everyone else but somehow manage to fumble $50 and throw it in with my may-as-well-be nuts. First guy who is very loose but had a big stack and was a decent player now makes it $100, other guy folds and I can't believe my luck and ship the rest in which he duly calls with 6h4h, he misses his 2 outs and I scoop a massive pot. I can't tell you how great it felt to scoop in all those $5 chips, soooooooo much more satisfying than playing online. I tipped the dealer $5 (more than anyone else ever did, in fact I tipped them more than anyone did frequently, karma ftw). So it was fun to stack those chips and I felt a lot better with a stack and gradually relaxed into the game.

Two other hands of note, I am basically in a 4 way raised and 3 bet pot with Ad3d (don't ask). The flop comes xQQ, checked round, turn Q, checked round, river Q giving me the nuts, checked to me and I maybe a little too excitedly push forward one of the $50 stacks I have my chips divided into. Everyone folds and Mr.Loose asks me to show the ace so I oblige, there was quite a bit of showing going on, the game was friendly and relaxed with no one sitting there with hoodies and shades thinking they are Phil Ivey so it was all good.

Finally, I am dealt the 7d UTG but the dealer flips it so the card is dead. Next card 2, so I would have had 72o, great. Because of the misdeal however I'm obvioulsy given another card which is of course a 2. So I limp and a couple of others do and we see an AK9 flop with two diamonds, checked round and the turn brings the 2d for my set. I bet $10 and get raised another $45. Everyone else folds, I'm not sure I can put him on a flush but I just call half-hoping the board would pair. River is non diamond Q and I check. To my surprise he checks as well and shows A9 for two pair, (bet the flop maybe?!). So I scoop another nice pot, thanks for the mis-deal dealer!

I played for 2 and a half hours in total and left the table $264 up - not bad for my first live cash game! I wanted to leave with profit and a couple of people had left the table and I didn't wanna play too long. It was great fun though, the Mirage card room is really good and one of the better ones from what I have seen of the other casinos and I have seen a lot now! What's more drinks are free when you're playing! All people did was give the waitress a $1 chip as a tip so you are basically getting drinks for $1! I didn't have any though as I was just drinking my big bottle of water trying to rehydrate and wanted to observe how things worked. Next time though it's endless drinks for me!

Well, this has already been a lot longer than I intended. It's quarter to 5 in the evening local time here now and the sun is setting and the lights are coming up, this place really transforms at night. I can see the Bellagio fountains display from my 19th floor window, such a great view of the strip it's really something, quite magical in a way.

So I'm off to Vegas...

...more on that in a bit.

I haven't felt remotely compelled to blog recently. My poker playing has been typically erratic with some huge swings. I've been busto, span back up, busto again, span back up etc. Played a few sessions at $5/$10, initially successful until Monday night when I played heads up and proceeded to get raped by the deck having all my big hands cracked by the loosest fishiest opponent ever. End result was I did a load of money from my bank and felt the familiar feelings of desperation and despair and will I have to be going back to a shit job sooner than I thought?

I have such a huge psychological problem with poker and it's only when I have a big losing session that the value of the money really hits home and I sit at $100NL with $50 nursing my small stack like it's the last money I have in the world. Where days before I was 3 betting pre flop to $120... When I lose I feel the uncontrollable urge to win it back right now, this couldn't be any worse of an attitude towards poker when we all know it's a game of patience. I guess it's tilt at the end of the day, tilt has many forms and it rears it's ugly head with me far too often. I just don't know what I can do to overcome it, I probably never will in all honesty.

So after some awful sessions playing way over my bankroll I deposited $100 and have proceeded to play sensibly with a couple of semi deep runs in a few MTT's, a little bit of nitty cash play and now have a $500 roll again which only took me two nights to win. I ran like absolute shit in MTT's for weeks, losing every flip, losing huge pots on the river to opponents with a couple of outs, it all could have been so different. This seems to have changed somewhat in the last couple of days and I ran a little better, I ran ridiculously good in an MTT last night which I will write about in a minute because it really is unbelievable, it seems all my run-good was being saved up for this one tourney.

Notable results since last post have been:

5/389 for $1167

5/80 for $560

12/355 for $165

8/700 for $252

So I have over $2K of MTT winnings in October, maybe I should just stick to them and avoid cash? I honestly think if I didn't run so fucking awful in plenty of other MTT's for huge pots I would have made many more final tables too, and slightly deeper runs in any of them would have meant a great score. Anyway on to last nights tourney where I finished 8th of 700. This is ridiculous. I was all in early on with OESD and hit on river, not too amazing. Then about 4 from the bubble, totally card dead and without about 10BB's someone makes it 4000 and I am in the BB with QQ and a 10K stack, obviously all in but my opponent flips AA. The A10x flop doesn't really help matters either but I call for a Jack and the turn delivers with ease, do I hear a King on the river? I sure did! So from 2% on the flop I double up and at least cash. Then a bit later I am card dead again then finally dealt KK. EP raises I shove he calls with A10, flop KQ10 and I'm thinking uh oh, of course the turn is a Jack! But then my run good continues and the river brings another Jack and I'm still alive. Fast forward a while to when I have about a 60k stack. Some guy just raised everyone folded and he showed AA. Very next hand I am dealt 1010 in the BB, same guy raises and I decide to flat. Flop comes J high and I check call his bet, turn another low card I check again this time he bets very big about the pot. I decide to put the rest of my chips in which is not much more to him and to my dismay he flips AA again. But what's this? The river is of course the 10 and I double again. So fucking sick. Not sure I can ever complain about running bad again? But like I said I was more than owed some.

Anyway on to other news my laptop arrived and it's brilliant. Playing PKR on a fast computer is soooooooo much better. Oh yeah, so I'm off to Vegas on Tuesday!!! Since I had money I was like fuck it let's do something, I was originally gonna go to Australia but that was just too expensive so settled on Vegas instead. We don't have direct flights which is a bit shit but it means I get to go to Chicago and LA as well so at least I can say I have been to those places! The fact that I seem to have developed this fear of flying doesn't really help matters especially as I keep having recurring nightmares about plane crashes, fml! But in all honesty it's a stupid fear cos it's so safe so I'm just gonna look at it as an adventure and stop being such a pussy, it's not like I've never been on a plane before! We're gonna be staying at the Mirage which I heard is really nice and from the pictures it looks awesome, I can't wait! Not sure how much poker I'm gonna play out there, it's not gonna be all about poker, there are plenty of other things to do and it's my birthday on the Saturday 14th so to have my birthday in Vegas is gonna be awesome and such a nice change from going to a pub in St.Albans. I'm sure I'll play a tournament or 2 and probably some pissed up cash games at 3 in the morning when I can't sleep. Gonna be awesome to just be able to walk out of the hotel room, down the lift and step into a bustly poker room to play some cash!

I'm going to my sisters house this Saturday for a fireworks party, not at her house her garden is tiny but she lives at the bottom of the hill near Alexandra Palace and they put on a fantastic display every year. She is good mates with a solid poker player better known as grazza, most notably known for taking down the Ladbrokes European Online Championship of Poker Main Event or something for a cool $230,000. Apparently he's up for playing on Saturday so I look forward to some drunken limp/3 betting 72o and taking all his money!

I'll probably do some sort of post from Vegas but until then, let me run good and travel good! Good luck in whatever you're doing, and good luck to Phil Ivey and James Akenhead this Saturday for the main event final table, it sucks that I am just gonna miss being able to see this live but I really hope one of them takes it down. Right that's all for now this post is already long enough, here's to Vegas!

Temporary Pro? (Again...)

I suppose I should update but I can't really be arsed of late. Not gonna be a long one so I'll sum up. Since last post I got my PKR roll up to $1700 then lost the lot mostly on $5/$10. I put $200 in on Sunday which I have since withdrawn and have a roll of about $1100 now. Some of that thanks to a multi I played on Monday, 38 runners, $66 buy in, and I got to heads up with about 140K to my opponents 10k and still managed to lose! I was proper pissed off as you can imagine and had to settle for $548 for 2nd, 1st paid $912, fml etc. I finished work last Friday so I guess that wasn't to bad as my first day as a 'pro'.

I say this cos I want to go to Australia in November, so there's not much point getting another shite job before then, so I'm just gonna play poker instead! Poker has gone so well recently, (as long as I don't play $5/$10). I have withdrawn somewhere in the region of £5k to my bank in last couple months, which is a lot to me! Oh yeah and I bought my laptop! It's worth £820 but I got it for £670, can't wait for it to arrive, gonna be so nice to play PKR on a fast computer for a change!

I am all too aware now of how much I overuse exclamation points it makes me sound like some sort of excited poker elf or something! yay!!!

So yeah, poker's going well, I love not having to go to a shit job every day and going to the gym when it's quiet during the day. Have so much more free time in general. No idea what the long term solution is but for now I'm more than happy just playing poker. Need to find a cheap flight to Aus tho.

I'll try and update about once a week to track my progress, I'm playing $100nl and a few multis here and there, good game!

edit: I almost forgot, a very happy 15th birthday to my dog Rosie, 15 years old and still going strong, she really is something, big woof!

re-edit: Just played the Thursday night primetime on PKR. $60 buy in $15K guaranteed terminator. I bust 19/408 for $220.56 including heads taken. Obviously my QQ is no match for 86o FUCK OFF!!!! This shit life tilts me so bad, it was $3916 ftw. Arghhhhhhhhhh I hate it :-(
Bankroll - $1440, whatever.

Grrr

Just played that $120 tournament on PKR. Just over 6 hours and I bust in 12/245 for $382.20. My KQo losing to JQo AIPF with a lovely Jack on the river- piss off! It was $7.3k FTW, ah well it only cost me $16 to get in so not bad I guess. Withdrew another $580 leaving me with a $400 roll, got work at 8 tomorrow and I so can't be fucked, but I leave in 2 weeks, oh how I can't wait! Good night.

Sick day

So yesterday morning I woke up and after a few too many late nights etc I was just not gonna make it in to work so I took a sickie. Obviously played poker; a couple of multis on stars to no avail and of course some PKR. Well I won about $900 in cash games on PKR, the vast majority coming from some guy heads up. Compare this to what I earn working a boring job all day and it really is just laughable. I also won a $16 satellite for a $120 tournament ticket. Also went to Chiquitos for the first time and it was lush and we even got 50% off the entire bill because they took so long to bring us our mains - result!

I withdrew about $670 but with Stars deposits this came to $602.42, leaving myself with a $500 roll.

So a sick day in more than one sense, I think I should take them more often!

100th Post!

I noticed that this is the 100th post of my blog, it's hard to believe I have been writing this thing on and off now for over 2 years, but I'm happy that I have it and it's always good to have for poker memories and whatever. It is with great pleasure therefore that my 100th post is a positive one!

Ok so in my last post I had a PKR roll of $1007. Well, this now stands at about $200... but only because I have withdrawn $2109.47! I was playing just cash games for about a week then last Friday I got home from work to a relaxing free house and thought I would settle down for a joint and the $5 rebuy. Now this was probably about the 3rd or 4th multi I had played on PKR since my recent win and a couple of hours later and with a $10 investment, this was the result -

- another first! Ok so the money wasn't massive but it really is the winning that is important and feels so good. I played a very different game to my usual, I had been chatting about poker with my mate all week at work and tried a lot more moves which basically came down to being a lot more aggressive, I guess it worked! I played a few more MTTs on PKR over the weekend but failed to even cash, often building a big stack but then losing a big coin flip or whatever. I'm happy with my game at the moment though and my confidence is high so I feel more decent results are on the horizon.

Which leads me to talk about the WCOOP on Stars, because lets face it where else do you want a sick deep run/decent result than in one of these bad boys. Most people who read this will be aware of these tournaments, last year I managed to qualify for 2 events via step satellites, the $530 two day event and the $215 4-max event. So I thought I would have a go this year, played various formats and in a $530 qualifier where I was in for $10 I lost a huge pot near the bubble with JJ against K6 AIPF to guarantee a seat, and in one for a $215 event the same thing happened with my AKd against J7o AIPF for again a huge pot to guarantee a seat. The guy who decided to shove with J7 and won the pot was about 2nd in chips after this point, 19 got a seat and with about 27 left he still manages to bust out in 22nd or something, he just kept shoving pretty much every hand, what a twat!

So after getting seriously pissed off with satellites I just thought fuck it and decided to buy in direct to the $215 event last night - only 11,000+ runners, why not! I bought in late towards the end of the first hour and was playing solidly then after about another hour I lose a biggish pot with AKo to 1010 AIPF, this leaves me with about 2500 and shortly after this goes when my AQc fails to get there against JJ AIPF, waste of £130 that was!

One satellite that I did however manage to win was the $10 buy in to the $77 final on Sundays for UK players only. The final basically awards a $600 package to a side event in the EPT London later this month with a £330 tourney buy in and expenses etc. It's a great value tournament because there is 18 guaranteed packages and only had about 55 runners in last night! Despite this however, you only get a 1500 starting stack and with blinds at 100/200 I shove my 1500 or so chips with 88 in late position when it's folded to me, I get an insta call from a guy in the blinds with about 1000 more than me and he shows AJs and I know already that I'm gonna lose another race so I bust in like 30th! It's a great value tournament though with so few runners so this Sunday I think I'm gonna just buy in direct because it would be really fun to play a side event at the EPT I didn't even know they did them. Just let me win next time dammit! I'm pretty confident in my satellite game so fingers crossed.

So what with depositing on stars over the weekend and that stupid $215 buy in waste my withdrawings since last post total $1664.17, still pretty good for me, actually having something to show for playing poker rather than losing all my profit like I used to usually do. I hope I can keep this up; win a bit, withdraw a bit etc etc.

So I'm not sure if I will play any more WCOOP events, I'm certain I won't be buying in again, despite the lure of big scores I have to accept that I can't afford it, and playing satellites sometimes you feel like you may as well have bought in anyway because of the amount you can spend on them especially rebuys!

Goal for 200th post - to have a 5 figure score in a tournament!

Update

Well I haven't exactly been very active on the blog front recently, the main reason being that I just can't be arsed! However I'm in good spirits poker wise so I thought it's high time for an update.

Let's see what I can remember. Firstly - The Challenge. Now I did my very very best in order to stick to $50NL, honest I did, but I can say, without exaggeration, that I ran the worst I have ever done in my entire life. I lost buy in after buy in despite being a huge favourite, I saw some incredibly disgusting beats. One outers for a straight flush to beat my made one? No problem. Runner runner straights to bust my sets? Of course! I guess this is what they call 'variance'. Well bah, I call it the withdrawal curse! So I inevitably moved up levels and eventually bust my account. This led to me re-depositing, spinning up in a big room, withdrawing what I had deposited, getting a roll again, then losing it. This whole process repeated about 3 times 'til I thought 'enough is enough'. I guess I have finally come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be a bankroll managed winning player, I can't cope with the ridiculous beat after beat, but hey at least I tried!

I was feeling shitty, I had to pay out over £400 on my car which sucked, I had a holiday to France coming up and my money was dwindling rapidly. I was also smoking too much weed which is something I haven't done since my school days, call it boredom with my job and the fact that it is so readily available from my co-workers, it doesn't take long to get back in the habit. Being stoned can help with poker sometimes however, thinking on another deeper level or something...

So anyway a couple of weeks ago I had popped over to see my Dad after work then back home, I knew I was staying in that night so fancied playing the Daily $17K on PKR. I registered for it, then took my dog out for a walk to have a joint before getting back just in time to see my first hand dealt. Well as my previous post showed, I went on to take 1st place and I was over the moon, I withdrew the lot, my money issues were sorted just like that! It was funny cos I was telling my mate at work that very day that 'I think I might take down the $17K tonight', I might have to start positive thinking more often! I even made it to work the next day despite me telling myself that I would bunk if I took it down, I'm glad I did, money is money after all!

So that Saturday I went to stay in my Dad's place in France. Really really needed the break especially from the boring job, and I had a fantastic time. There is even a new casino literally a 2 minute bike ride from my Dad's place in Lacanau-Océan. We went there a couple of times, it's a pretty small affair, but upstairs they had live cash games! The only problem was the stakes were €2/€4 and despite my recent win, and the fact that French players are often huge donks, I resisted the urge to sit, I'm so un-degenerate!

The break did me the world of good, Lacanau is a nice place, and the waves in the evening get fucking mental right up to the shore I lost count of the amount of times I got taken clean out and slammed into the sand, span upside down with water all around me, shooting up my nose (I hate that) thinking I was gonna drown, it's kinda scary especially the first time! No wonder my step-mum has seen a body being taken out of the sea there once! I have drunk far too much as well, every day for over 2 weeks! I think I need a detox!

On a side note, I finished watching Prison Break season 4 whilst I was away, I love Prison Break it's such a great show and they ended it perfectly in my opinion, although really sad! Also, I read The Time Traveler's Wife, I used to love reading but really don't read anything these days. However I'm glad I read this book 'cos it's fucking brilliant. I strongly urge anyone to read it no matter what your taste in fiction is, it deals with a very complex subject matter so well you just have to go and read it, it's in my top 5 books definitely. I know the film is out right now but it looks gash and lets face it what films are ever as good as the book?

I digress, so back to the poker. Last Tuesday I decided to play again so deposited $500 on to PKR and played some $100NL. I have since withdrawn that $500 and the roll now sits at $1,007. So I've made $1000 in a week, woo! I'm very tempted to just withdraw this because it's not like this is the first time I've won a decent amount, only usually I go on to lose it. This amount 'should' probably be in the region of about $2K owing to some of the horrible fucking dirty beats I've had; one that springs to mind today is me with A10 against some donkey with A4 on an A104 flop, all the money in on the flop and the 4 hits the turn with ease, bye bye $250. You have to laugh really, I've done well not to tilt, toooooooo much... However I know that if i go on a bad run and lose 4-5 buy in's the rest will probably follow, so withdrawing the lot does seem like a good option right now, only I will want to play again, and so the circle continues.

Finally, I want to buy a laptop, always wanted one and I want to treat myself, budget of about £500-£600. I am leaning towards the Dell Studio 17, but have heard mixed reviews of Dell computers. Also I don't know if a 17" screen will be too big, there are so many out there I can't bloody decide! So if anyone has any good laptop advice I would be very grateful to hear it. That's about it for now I think, I'm gonna try and update more frequently if I can. Back to work tomorrow after 17 days off, I so don't wanna go back! Take care people.

SHIIIIIIIPPPP ITTTTTTTT!!! (Happiness is a poker tournament).

What better way to make a comeback to posting than with this little beauty! Man I have a lot I could blog about but for now I'll just say I'm so fucking happy to win this tourney on PKR, on about my 10th attempt which included one other final table finish.

Great tournament, I really played some of my best poker, made some imo great calls and was never all in behind the whole game (I think). I would like to do a report on this tournament if I can be arsed to find the hand histories cos there were some interesting hands.

I even got a brutal runner runner beat when I was 95% on the flop to make me short stack with 15 left, but I battled back.

When we got down to 3 handed on the final table the fucking batteries in my mouse went! This happened recently and I was only able to change one battery with a half used one so this time i thought the game's up, fml I thought as I had no other batteries. I fiddled them about however and thankfully they held up :) LOL.

This is my 2nd biggest tournament win ever, and I am really buzzing right now despite the fact that it is 02:30am. I'm supposed to be in work in 5 and a half hours but I think I might do a bunk :)

This couldn't have come at a better time as I had to spend bills on my car last week and I'm off to France on Saturday so the report might have to wait. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love this feeling, 1st place one time whoooop!!!! Yessssssssssssssss!!!

1st target reached

I'm pleased to say that I have reached my first target of $1,600! So as I said I would do I have withdrawn the $600 original deposit so now it is all profit I am playing with. The next target is $3,000 when I can move up to $100NL...

It has been a topsy turvy week, after writing my last post I dropped nearly $200 that night which was not nice. The roll dropped to just under $1,000 but I battled back without tilting and without moving up levels despite running very bad at the beginning of the week. I just left 2 rooms on nearly $300 stacks in both which was really great to be doing so well.

I have been playing quite a bit of heads up too and beating most people, I left one room yesterday with a $430 stack :-). The only problem is a lot of players only sit with $10 or $16.48 or something so I request that they sit with at least $30 to play, is that wrong? But I'm not gonna risk $50+ to win $10 am I?

I will probably update on my little challenge once a week at the weekend, unless I take down a nice multi or something and want a brag post ;-)

Trying to work off this $600 bonus but it's taking a while, I need to up the volume as I haven't been playing much at all and I only have till the end of August to do it and am on about 20% now.

Oh yeah almost forgot I went to see Bruno on Friday and I thought it was fucking hilarious! That guy has some big cahunas that's for sure.

I guess my blog won't be too interesting for a while (has it ever been?!) but it's all about the challenge right now I need to prove that I can do this. I'm up over $1000 at $50NL in 2 weeks and 3 days so my confidence is high, I just hope I can maintain it.

Grinding FTW.

Bankroll - $1,051.91

So far so good...

I crossed the $1000 mark a couple of days ago so things are going well so far! This isn't with rakeback however as my deal was only activated on the 1st of July so I am only now starting to earn rakeback.

So I'm up just over $600 and all at $50NL! I haven't even been tempted to move up at all, although I did accidentally sit in $100NL once as I was choosing room based on average pot size but as soon as I realised my mistake I left straight away after like 2 hands lol.

I want to play the $100 Super Series $35K main event tonight as it's 6 max which I am far better at and deep stack too. Although obviously $100 is not in my bankroll I might try and sat in, whatever I dunno.

I'm really enjoying playing at the moment, there is a certain calmness in being bankrolled properly for a level, it's refreshing.

So just a short one, I hope I can keep up the winning and reach my first target of $1600!

Bankroll - $1,202

Challenge

It's time to get serious. I have set myself a challenge that I am going to try my hardest to stick to. The premise is quite simple, bankroll management.

PKR are doing a reload bonus, up to $600. So I thought I would take advantage of this and deposit the full $600. I need to earn something like 150,000 points to clear it but I will get this eventually and I have a couple of months to do it.

So anyway, here's the plan. Play NO HIGHER than $50NL. OK I know starting with 12 buy ins is not the best bankroll management but I'm confident at this level especially at $50NL. So, as a rough plan, play $50NL until I reach $1600, then withdraw the $600 I originally deposited. Continue at this level until I reach $3000 (lol) then move up to $100 and move back down again if I fall below $2000. Further withdrawals might come into it but I'll think more about that later. Getting rich quick is just gonna have to wait, it's all about the grind!

I know this sounds a little optimistic, but I neeeeeeeeeed to try this for my own sanity and to prove that I can win in the long term. It's gonna be hard not to tilt but of course it wouldn't be a challenge if it wasn't hard would it?

So here goes, $50NL for ages probably! I hope to be able to move up to $100NL by Christmas. Rakeback and the $600 bonus should obviously help a lot. I will play 2 rooms max because my computer has enough trouble dealing with that anyway. As for tournaments, as a general rule play no higher then $20 games I guess, but there might be some good value higher ones every now and then, I will have to see.

A little example of some of the players on PKR at this level. I raise KK pre to $3 on a loose table and get 2 callers, flop is 653 with two hearts and I overbet the $9 pot with an $11 bet or something, get one caller, turn is another 6 and I put the guy all in, he insta calls with A5o and I river the K anyway, lol.

So anyway, here goes, I really hope I can do this!

So far...

Thursday +$114
Friday +$47

Bankroll - $761

Déjà Vu

To hell with it.

How many times have I been here? At this moment in time I'm giving serious consideration to just giving up poker for good. Let me explain.

After my last post I built up my PKR roll to $1700 at peak, a nice sum of money by any standards, mine especially. At this stage I was even sticking mainly to $100NL. However if I have a losing session, something happens to me and I just move up levels. This I did last weekend, I went down to about $200 at worst, then back up to $1400, phew I thought. Later though it all went, I even played some $5/$10. So later in the week I deposit $500, start again. Friday night just gone I sat in a $1/$2 room at 20:30, by half past midnight my stack read $1,231 and I left the room. Over $1000 made in 4 hours at $1/$2, I impressed myself. I then withdrew the $500 and got the rest up to about $1070 at peak, back in the game.

Last night however I didn't listen to the voice inside my head and play $5/$10 again, it's not long before it's gone. I reach for the deposit page and try to deposit $800 but I can't as I have weekly deposit limits set up. So $500 is all I was allowed. I sit back in, get down to about $390. Then clearly on tilt I call a $40 raise in position with J3s. Three of us to the J high flop with two spades, perfect. It's checked to me and I decide to shove, then the first to check moves all in and has the pre flop raiser covered, he folds. I know what he has with this play, I know 100% what he has and I'm not happy about it, the nut flush draw, sure enough he shows A8s. No spade no ace I think, as you do. Instant service on the turn as the spade drops and my flush is no good to his, an ace on the river just to rub it in that if he has missed the flush, he still beats me. I can't deposit any more and I'm done for the night.

Today then I try and deposit more but I have a $1000 weekly deposit limit, I try and change this but you need 3 forms of documentation and it takes 2 days anyway, fuck that. So I avoid playing all day and decide to register for the Sunday Warm Up on Stars. It's only the equivalent of £130, who cares right?! I'm out within 15 minutes when I slow play KK and lose to a flopped set of 3's. I couldn't get away from the hand, maybe I'm not good enough?

So, a bit later, I decide to give myself a roll on Interpoker simply because of rakeback (oh yeah I lost the £150 or so I had in here earlier in the week). I play heads up for a bit, win a bit, then move on to £50NL 5-max. I win a bit then lose a bit, and in the end I just think, fuck it. I left the rooms and withdrew £516, I cashed a win of £16!!! I was not having any fun whilst playing, and the thought of losing it just depressed me further. I felt like my soul was being consumed by poker, respect to anyone who does this shit for a living, it's just too sick.

So, as the blog title suggests, I'm getting the slightest feeling of déjà vu here. How many times have I been here before? Am I just a really bad player? I just don't know anymore, I think I'm probably average at best but I seem incapable of banking a win. Every time I win I am reluctant to withdraw, wanting to build my roll more and more, getting greedy and wanting more money. Maybe that's my downfall. The prospect of another boring week at work for shit money is not particularly great, I feel poker is my only means of escape, the only way I'm ever gonna have money, but it hasn't happened yet, am I just kidding myself? Probably. I have A levels and a degree in English but I spend my days weeding and cutting the heads of dead roses with people who left school at 16. I don't mean to sound like a snob but is this really all there is for me? Why did I bother with education if this is where it has got me? My sister has moved out to Sydney and I want to go and visit her, but flights are so expensive I just can't afford it. Am I destined to live this mundane existence with drink and weed being the only escape?

Ha, listen to me rattling on like a moron, whatever I just needed to say how I felt, I love this sick game, but maybe I have to finally accept that I will never be a winning player. This could well be my last post in a while, good luck to all those out there who play this insane game, and I wish myself luck in whatever it is I decide to do, God knows I'll need it.

Reckless

I need to learn respect for money. I have been playing on PKR a lot recently. At first I was just dabbling in a few tournies here and there, going for a big score. Nothing came of it though, so I made the decision to deposit enough money to make it as though I had put down one deposit of $500 and had just lost a few tournies, this equated to about $330. I fucked around in cash games, spinning up to something like $800. I then withdrew the $500 so I was playing with just profit. I played lots more cash getting up to about $930 at peak with money still in play. Dropping to $500, back up to $800 etc etc this went on. Playing first $100NL, then $200 and some $400 too, my brm skills are second to none.

So yesterday I have about $700. Playing $1/$2, I build a stack, things are going well, then I proceed to get royally butt fucked by the deck. A couple of examples; me 99 flop AA9 her AQ all the money in turn an A for $400 pot. Me 79 flop 79J both all in her 10J turn is an 8. I cleverly move to $2/$4 and lose another biggie with 58h on a Q746 board with 2 hearts, he has Q7, river a 7. Dirty beats kept happening but whatever, my account was soon $0. By the way the amount of bad players on PKR is not even funny, if you can make a hand you can get paid off big time.

I go away for a bit, get some breakfast, come back and deposit $300. Sit in a $3/$6 game. Make some great calls in a fairly aggressive game and leave the room on just over $600. I then withdrew the $300 and sat in $2/$4 again with the lot. I lose all but about $24 when I stack off with K9h on an AhJhx flop against a set of jacks and I miss (yeah I'm a fish). Feeling pretty shit about almost busto again however I get KK and more than double up. Then I get 77, flat a raise to see a 78x flop I check raise all in and he has a flush draw with KQs, he misses. The only other hand I remember is limping UTG with 33, BB makes it $14 and I call. Flop Qd3d8d, he bets $30 and I call, turn a blank, he bets $65 ish and I flat call again. River is the disgusting 4d putting the 4th diamond out there. He bets $100 in to me and I do the standard '/grr' emote and get ready to fold before my brain kicks in and I give it a quick think, go with my gut and call, he shows AKc and somehow my stack has grown from $25 to over $700 in about 3o mins! I'm a lucky? shitbag sometimes, I just wish I could do a nice spin up without having lost a load first so it's actually profit!

Earlier I sat in a $5/$10 10 handed game and just sat out and watched for a bit. Temptation getting the better of me though I sat in after a while for my BB, as soon as I had done this I regretted it though lol. One short stack limper and it's folded to me, I make it $50 with AQh, give it the '/bringiton' and the short stack folds. I immediately sit out with my $15 profit. What the fuck is wrong with me why do I feel the need to play so high?! Cos I fucking love the heart pounding rush of getting all the money in with a set, hoping it holds and winning a massive pot. That's why.

I head off to E-game's house later to play a home game 5 handed. Some interesting hands, only one I'm gonna mention is when I have 86s in the SB, one limper, I complete, E-game puts in a small raise from the BB, both me and the limper call. Flop is a fairly pleasing 6 10 6, I check, E-game bets 1000, next guy min raises, and I think for a while about how to try and disguise the fact I have a 6. Kinda hard, I think flat calling here is just as strong as raising really, but maybe slightly weaker, so I flat the 2000. E-game then decides he wants to move all in for maybe 6k ish more. Other guy folds and I of course call, E-game shows AA... turn blanks and river is of course the A of diamonds. The burn card was also an ace it was revealed. So I essentially got 1 outtered for a big pot, fml I am so rigged. Luckily I had chipped up to about 15K before the hand so I was far from out, but also far from a huge stack. It was getting late so we made a deal that 3rd got their money back and I went out very shortly after in 3rd, woo!

That's all for now, I got asked if I would stay on my job over the summer, and I agreed, not really having a choice, so I will be working their until September unless anything better comes along, I need to actually look for this to happen though...

Good luck out there...oh yeah one more thing - I got 96Euros rakeback on Interpoker, let's see where this leads!

I'm rich!

Well, sort of. Not through poker though, I'll explain in a minute. First though, after the success of my last post the inevitable happened and I lost the £350; a couple of coolers and it's all over with only a couple of buy ins. I couldn't find a fold with K6 on a K67 rainbow flop out of the SB in a limped family pot for example, he had 77 of course. Losing this didn't really bother me that much it was likely to happen and I knew that, and it's not like it's the first time I've lost that amount of money! I just wish I could bring myself to withdraw more when I win nice sums of cash, but no I always tell myself I want to build a roll and end up losing it, countless times I could have withdrawn decent amounts. Oh well. I went on to lose another £90 from my bank, but stopped there, which I thought rather disicplined. I still managed to bank a win of about £150 or so over the week or so period, and of course made some rakeback, so not all was lost!

So I've not played poker in nearly a week, owing to lack of funds and working overtime at my job, coupled with gym and having some sort of social life doesn't leave a lot of free time. But anyway on to the rich bit. I think I mentioned in a previous post about the money I am owed from my last job, just under £5,000. I have been owed this for nearly a year now and never thought I would see a penny of it really. However some meeting occured with their accountants and we were told we should get something, I filled out some form they sent me and thought no more of it. Well on Friday morning before work I go to check my online banking to see if I had been paid my wages (I hadn't, surprisingly) but to my shock/joy there was an automated credit for £1896 gone into my account!!! I had no idea this was coming and was a little taken aback, but it put me in a good mood for the rest of the day, despite spending all day weeding! I was hoping it wasn't some error my boss had made because the transaction didn't say where it was from at first, I found out when I got home however it was indeed some insolvency money so happy days! They owe me more of course but that should come at a later date.

All it really means though is that I am no longer overdrawn and just slightly in the black with regards to my bank account for the first time in aaaaaaages. But when it says I have over £2,000 available it does look so nice and tempting! I have to remember I have a £2K overdraft though, bank's money not mine! I haven't put any into poker yet, I'm hesitant to, although having money in my bank makes me feel strange and I feel like I need to spend it on things so that I don't waste it playing poker. I will see how it goes, please let me stay away from £10/£20 one time!

Some action

I haven't been playing poker as much as I once did, owing to having a full time job and bit of a lack of funds. I built up a roll on Stars from a $100 deposit. Withdrew the 100 and was left with 270, but I lost it playing mainly HU games I think. Last Sunday I deposited £50 on to Interpoker and played some £50NL and managed to win some. I withdrew £75 for a small profit and played on with the rest. As of Friday night I had got up to £279, and after a hard week at work I settled down with a few beers to see what I could do at £100NL. Frustrating session however, not being able to hit hands, getting pushed about a bit by aggressive Europeans which worked as I was playing scared money. I ended up losing it all.

I had been paid 2 weeks wages on Thursday so as soon as I lost the last pot I automatically reached for the deposit page, ignoring the voice in my head telling me I was gonna lose all my hard earned money, it was impossible to not re-deposit. So I put £100 in, got up to £193 and then lost the lot, again. So again I deposit another £100, I knuckle down, I can beat these clowns I thought, just play good fool! This is getting bad now I was thinking, I can't afford to be losing this money, have debts to pay, but tilt is too strong. I finished the night on roughly £150.

Saturday - play some more, I win a nice pot with AA. It goes like this. Folded to the SB who makes it £3, I make it £14 (a little large but I did this same raise to this same player a few hands before so I know he thinks I'm at it and doesn't wanna get pushed around. Flop 333, so ideal for aces, he checks, I check, gotta look weak. Turn a K, he checks, I bet £15 and he insta-shoves for another £83 or so to me! I can't call quickly enough and ship the pot my way as he shows K8. After this I have about £293 in my account. So I do something sensible for once and withdraw the £200 I had deposited and leave myself with £93. I play more later, super loose and super aggressive on a table with another even looser player who called 99% of my raises pre flop. I get down to £38ish at worst but leave the room on about £200 I think, not entirely sure.

I play a bit more here and there and bank a couple of £50 wins. Want something to show for the money so withdraw £100. I play again today, two rooms of £150NL this time. On one table I make over £200 and leave, I stay on the other though, because it was ridiculously loose. I raised to £9 on more than one occasion pre flop and got calls from all 4 other players. Almost every pot was a family pot regardless of pre flop raises. Lots of the players on the Boss network are crazy Europeans so it can be very profitable! Here is a nice pot I win with Aces, it shows dollars but I'm playing in pounds. Another ideal flop for my hand, I wonder what he had? Annoying that the hand history doesn't show what they had when they muck. I had been raising a lot pre flop quite large with good starting hands but having to check missed flops because the entire table would usually call, so I think my check here is the right play. At best I'm up £150 in this room but leave £80 up. I withdraw £122 to leave me with exactly a £350 roll. So I make it that I'm up £625 since yesterday morning and about £550 on the week, not entirely sure and I can't be bothered to work it out. Of course I'm earning rake back all the time as well.

So I guess it worked out well this weekend, it could have been a different story of course, I need to be careful. At least I have won a bit of money to pay for things like my car tax which is due and over £100 for 6 months! I need a set of new wheels for my car because one of the alloys is totally cracked, not gonna go for anything flashy though I'm not that bothered, no idea where to get them from either and what size etc? Anyway I have a £350 roll now! How long will it last?! I should obviously play lower, but I just have no interest in grinding right now, I don't have the time to put the hours in and it just bores me. I like the feeling of winning big pots, lol.

Will leave with this hand that I played sometime mid week (£ not $!). It was a turbo room and I literally had what felt like about 6 seconds to make a decision on the turn. The hand just confused me and to be honest I didn't really have a clue if I was ahead, if I had had more time to think about it perhaps I would have folded but the turboness got to me!

I plan to play the $20,000 guaranteed tonight on PKR for $22 buy in if I have had dinner in time. It starts in an hour so not looking too promising lol. Might have to play another on there instead, it's been a while.

Edit: This just happened, what a lucky fish, ouch.

*Sigh*

I just spent the last 8 hours of my life playing a $5 MTT on PokerStars. The $10,000 guaranteed became $17,145 when registration ended and there was 3,429 runners. I finished 7th for $360.05, 1st place was $2314.58! These things are so top heavy. Final table I was completely card dead and when I did pick up something mediocre I got 3 bet huge and had to lay it. Ended up blinding away before shoving the button with J9 and being called by the big blind's A10h - jack on the flop but also an ace and it's all over. Bit demoralising as I was playing a great game up until just before the final table and then being card dead. Oh well, $360 is quite welcome at the moment but when you play for soooooooooo long and get close to a (for me) very nice score it's hard to not feel disappointed. I was thinking of how I was gonna spend the money if I won lol. Another time.

Oh well gonna go and make myself some food now it's been a while since I ate! Back to work tomorrow after the 4 day weekend, ho hum!

About time!

RIGHT! It's about time I updated my blog! I'll see what I can remember from when I last posted although I'm sure I'll forget loads. OK, so I was totally broke and couldn't find a job so I did what I always told myself I wouldn't and signed on at the job centre. The process was fairly easy, have a little interview about what sort of work you want etc, then you turn up every two weeks with your 'work diary', show it to them, sign something and get £120 every two weeks. It's a fucking joke to be honest - the work diary, which is supposed to show everything you are doing to look for work is so easy to fake, and they don't seem to give a shit. I used to fill mine out the night before, don't get me wrong I was looking for jobs, but I would make a lot of it up too. It really is too easy to be out of work, and if £60 a week is enough for you, then what's the incentive to get a job? I read in the paper once about a guy who worked on an oil rig who said he had to be drug tested so that he could earn money. And whilst he said he had no problem helping to pay the dole to help get people back on their feet, he did have a problem with people sitting on their arses and using the money to fund their drinking and drug habits. If he had to pass a drugs test so that he could earn the money he is taxed on, why, therefore, shouldn't those claiming the dole have to pass a drug test too? I couldn't agree with him more, and I have a sneaky suspicion that a hell of a lot of people would all of a sudden be losing their dole if this was introduced. Anyway, £60 a week wasn't enough for me, and I wanted to work, I wanted money, not least so I could play some poker again. Also I was borrowing more and more and things were getting a bit desperate, I had to borrow money from my sister to pay my direct debits and god knows what I would have done without my Dad, he always comes through for me and I'm very lucky.

So I was looking for work with little success. It's a cliche right now but there really is fuck all work out there at the moment, even the most basic office positions are getting so many applicants, it's not a good time to be looking for work. A friend of mine used to work for Ocado and I thought this seemed like a job I might enjoy. I checked out the website and they had positions locally for drivers, I hesitated though, wanting to find out a little more before I filled in the application. Joppa went through the process and I was waiting to see what he wrote about it before I went ahead and did it, cos I'm such a fucking pussy sometimes and I wanted to avoid scary group interview type situations, I thought I would let someone else do it first, taking the easy route again. Alas when I decided to just go ahead and fill out the online form, the job had gone, fml.

So this went on, looking for jobs on the net, going into agencies etc, but I was getting no where. It came to a head when my step dad had had enough of me and launched into a tirade about how I take the piss shouldn't be taking food from the house not paying rent bla bla, and that he would make my life hell if I stayed there. I took that as a hint and moved out to a friends house that night, things weren't looking too good. I was in e-mail correspondence with my Mum whilst I was away and I think he was getting grief from her so we arranged to have a meeting and sort out our differences.

It just so happens that whilst I was 'moved out', I got a call from a mate of mine offering me work. About 2 months working as a gardener in some rose gardens. I said yes, of course, and I have just finished my third week there. The money is crap, £45 a day take home, and it's hard work as you can imagine, especially this last week cos I have been pretty ill, puking and shitting water on Monday night, only now just feeling better, too much info? tough haha. However, I'm working with my mates from school and we have a laugh, when the weather is nice it's great (I got sunburnt in my first week!) and it feels good to actually be working again. Something happens when you work, despite how horrible it is to have to get up early enough to start work at 8, you feel good for it. I'm a much happier person than when I didn't have a job. I had been out of work so long, I was sleeping too much and feeling generally depressed a lot of the time, I can relate a lot to what Joppa and Would-Be write about, I believe it's healthy to be working, and you sure as hell appreciate your weekends more!

So, now I am earning money and getting paid weekly, £225 a week, not great but beggars can't be choosers and in the current climate I am lucky to have work and I certainly appreciate the value of money more! I owe quite a bit obviously so most of what I am getting is going straight to others, but it feels good to pay it back, albeit slowly. The rose gardens open in June so when this job is over it's back to the hunt, I can't wait lol!

ANYWAY, I have rambled on far too much, there is more I wanted to say but this doesn't need to turn in to my life story and it's a poker blog anyway. So, poker. I didn't play for a long time because I was broke, I borrowed some money from a couple of mates on Stars, but it never really went anywhere. When I got hold of a bit of significant money though I wanted to play on Interpoker because of rakeback which I can't stress enough is the most amazing thing to happen to online poker ever, rakeback that is. So crypto is dead, it will always have a good memory for me because it was on crypto that I went on the best spin up of my life a couple of years back, turning £20 into about £8,000 in about 10 days. I won't forget the night I came home drunk after bragging about how I was gonna make millions at online poker, only to lose the lot in a few short hours at £10/£20. I didn't feel anywhere near as depressed as I should have about losing such a vast sum of money, easy come easy go, I thought, oh to have that money now!

So Interpoker is now on the IPN (Independant Poker Network), the software is a bit sucky, instead of 6-max they have 5-max which I actually like, and you can still play in pounds or euros or dollars, and I'm still getting rakeback! So it's all good really. I currently have a roll of about £140 and will see what I can do with it, I still don't have any BRM so I will as easily lose it as spin it up.

Couple of other things I want to mention, I bought Street Fighter IV for my PS3 and it's brillllllliant. Also, I went to see Marley and Me a couple of weeks ago at the cinema, being a dog lover and all. Pretty good film, not remotely the slapstick comedy type film you would believe it to be by the way it is marketed. So I really wasn't prepared for what has to be one of the saddest endings to a film I have ever seen. The sadness is eeked out for about the last 25 minutes of the film and boy do they do a good job! I was actually trying so fucking hard to not cry seeing as I was in a cinema and all, but my god, I defy anyone, dog lover or not, to not shed a tear at this film, practically everyone in the cinema was crying! Seeing as I have an old dog it just made the situation worse! Good film though lol. I would like to end on a quote from the end of the film, this is gonna make me seem like a total dog loving saddo but I don't care cos I thought it was just a great quote and in the context of the film is really quite touching. OK I do sound like a saddo but I don't care, so here it is:

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, or big homes, or designer clothes. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart, and he’ll give you his.

How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare, and pure, and special? How many people can make you feel...extraordinary?"

Big update coming...

It's been far too long, a lot has happened. A big update coming this weekend. I know you have all been waiting with baited breath, your patience to be rewarded all 3 readers.

Edit: OK so it's gonna have to wait a bit, I've been too busy and can't be arsed right now!

Fell at the last hurdle

Firstly lol at this picture! I haven't posted in a while because I haven't played in a while because I have no money to play with! I bust the Stars roll obviously so since then have had a break. Wanting to play however I used up my points on PKR. I had about 95,000 and used 40,000 to enter some $25 multi which was uneventful. The other points I used on their Heads Up phase tournaments - 5,500 points for a level 1 ticket which is worth $4. There are 10 stages in all with the winner of the final stage getting $380 and the runner up a meagre $95. If you lose stage 3 you go back to stage 1, lose 5 go back to 3 etc. To start with I ran bad and never got past level 2 or maybe 3. I got all the way down to when I had enough points for just one more crack....

...so I used it up, and ended up winning 9 games in a row putting me all the way through to the Final Phase! Of course I lose this though, ffs! My AA got cracked early on by KJ when the guy called a big pot bet on flop to hit his gutshot on the turn with ease. I fucked it up though whatever. I so wanted to write a post about being a 10-wins-in-a-row-heads-up-king, but alas, such is my life! I then went off to tilt a away a buy in at $50NL and sat with my last $45 which is now on $86, I doubt it will last long. I'm job hunting right now so I look forward to a mundane life, not!

Edit: Yep, it's gone. What a fucking waste of time, so demoralising, fuck my life!!!

A little more positive...

Ok, so I'm back a lot sooner than I thought and that's cos some money randomly appeared in my bank, so I put it on Stars... about £24. I played a wee bit of $50NL cash earlier for a small profit and just now played an 18 person S&G for $11 and finished 2nd. Now this is by no means on par with winning a WSOP bracelet but it feels extra good because I was down to 188 chips within about the first ten hands. Now usually most people, myself included, would simply give up at this point and shove the chips in on the very next hand. However, I was determined to fight back, play well and a few well timed shoves and I somehow got back in the game. I would have won it too I had a huge chip lead HU and I was one card away but he dinked a 9 on the river. I was also playing $50 NL cash at the same time to stop me from getting bored and sat with $25, this time leaving when up, on $80.

This is all pretty small time but it's just the fact that I didn't give up and played my best to come back from being almost out to one card away from winning the thing. It's just a confidence boost really and I thought I would come and write down how I was feeling, a world apart from the last couple of days, I guess it's just nice to win a bit.

I was also reading an article in some magazine called Stacked that PKR randomly sent me about people feeling that they have the worst luck, especially when it comes to MTT's. A good quote from the article to think about - "Surprisingly few poker players seem to really understand the nature of variance and the maths that underpins the game they play. Yes, they may understand odds but I'm talking about long term expectation on the table... I hear a lot of players moan when their AK doesn't hold up against AQ. They believe they are cursed because they lost a hand when they felt they should have won. Even when someone has a 7:3 chance of winning they could lose five times in a row without it being too uncanny. There are many players that don't see the poker Matrix and simply believe that they are the unluckiest players alive". How true is that? I guess until you can accept that you will get sucked out on again and again you will always have a problem as a poker player, it's something I am definitely going to try and work on, deep breaths...

I have now got $145.15 on Stars, I wonder what will become of it?

More of the same

Only played one tournament today, span up the buy in required to play by playing some $0.25/$0.50 HU, then my bust out hand, standard.

I'm so used to it by now but it doesn't hurt any less, when will my hand hold up?

Are you serious? I mean are you really fucking serious!?? Exact same thing happened to me yesterday on PKR, top 20 paid, 10 from the money, DONK min raises UTG, I shove 1010 she calls with 66, pot was for 3rd in chips, 6 on the flop, SIGH.

Man this blog sucks, it's likely I won't be playing for a while now, oh well, I'll be back one day...

Fucking fucking FUCK OFF!!!!

My luck is so fucking shit everyone and I mean EVERYONE gets lucky against me yet I can't get a bit of luck against anyone else I am so fucking wound up right now it's unbelievable it's all I can do to not smash the fuck out of my fucking monitor, fuck fuck fuck!

This hand just sent me over the edge I called the fucking river it's so obvious it's not even funny FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!

I know I shouldn't get so wound up but it's been all day plus I need to get a fucking job and the thought of working some mind numbing 9-5 doing the same shit every day making small talk with the same mindless morons everyday is not helping my mood, FUCK MY LIFE!