Challenge

It's time to get serious. I have set myself a challenge that I am going to try my hardest to stick to. The premise is quite simple, bankroll management.

PKR are doing a reload bonus, up to $600. So I thought I would take advantage of this and deposit the full $600. I need to earn something like 150,000 points to clear it but I will get this eventually and I have a couple of months to do it.

So anyway, here's the plan. Play NO HIGHER than $50NL. OK I know starting with 12 buy ins is not the best bankroll management but I'm confident at this level especially at $50NL. So, as a rough plan, play $50NL until I reach $1600, then withdraw the $600 I originally deposited. Continue at this level until I reach $3000 (lol) then move up to $100 and move back down again if I fall below $2000. Further withdrawals might come into it but I'll think more about that later. Getting rich quick is just gonna have to wait, it's all about the grind!

I know this sounds a little optimistic, but I neeeeeeeeeed to try this for my own sanity and to prove that I can win in the long term. It's gonna be hard not to tilt but of course it wouldn't be a challenge if it wasn't hard would it?

So here goes, $50NL for ages probably! I hope to be able to move up to $100NL by Christmas. Rakeback and the $600 bonus should obviously help a lot. I will play 2 rooms max because my computer has enough trouble dealing with that anyway. As for tournaments, as a general rule play no higher then $20 games I guess, but there might be some good value higher ones every now and then, I will have to see.

A little example of some of the players on PKR at this level. I raise KK pre to $3 on a loose table and get 2 callers, flop is 653 with two hearts and I overbet the $9 pot with an $11 bet or something, get one caller, turn is another 6 and I put the guy all in, he insta calls with A5o and I river the K anyway, lol.

So anyway, here goes, I really hope I can do this!

So far...

Thursday +$114
Friday +$47

Bankroll - $761

Déjà Vu

To hell with it.

How many times have I been here? At this moment in time I'm giving serious consideration to just giving up poker for good. Let me explain.

After my last post I built up my PKR roll to $1700 at peak, a nice sum of money by any standards, mine especially. At this stage I was even sticking mainly to $100NL. However if I have a losing session, something happens to me and I just move up levels. This I did last weekend, I went down to about $200 at worst, then back up to $1400, phew I thought. Later though it all went, I even played some $5/$10. So later in the week I deposit $500, start again. Friday night just gone I sat in a $1/$2 room at 20:30, by half past midnight my stack read $1,231 and I left the room. Over $1000 made in 4 hours at $1/$2, I impressed myself. I then withdrew the $500 and got the rest up to about $1070 at peak, back in the game.

Last night however I didn't listen to the voice inside my head and play $5/$10 again, it's not long before it's gone. I reach for the deposit page and try to deposit $800 but I can't as I have weekly deposit limits set up. So $500 is all I was allowed. I sit back in, get down to about $390. Then clearly on tilt I call a $40 raise in position with J3s. Three of us to the J high flop with two spades, perfect. It's checked to me and I decide to shove, then the first to check moves all in and has the pre flop raiser covered, he folds. I know what he has with this play, I know 100% what he has and I'm not happy about it, the nut flush draw, sure enough he shows A8s. No spade no ace I think, as you do. Instant service on the turn as the spade drops and my flush is no good to his, an ace on the river just to rub it in that if he has missed the flush, he still beats me. I can't deposit any more and I'm done for the night.

Today then I try and deposit more but I have a $1000 weekly deposit limit, I try and change this but you need 3 forms of documentation and it takes 2 days anyway, fuck that. So I avoid playing all day and decide to register for the Sunday Warm Up on Stars. It's only the equivalent of £130, who cares right?! I'm out within 15 minutes when I slow play KK and lose to a flopped set of 3's. I couldn't get away from the hand, maybe I'm not good enough?

So, a bit later, I decide to give myself a roll on Interpoker simply because of rakeback (oh yeah I lost the £150 or so I had in here earlier in the week). I play heads up for a bit, win a bit, then move on to £50NL 5-max. I win a bit then lose a bit, and in the end I just think, fuck it. I left the rooms and withdrew £516, I cashed a win of £16!!! I was not having any fun whilst playing, and the thought of losing it just depressed me further. I felt like my soul was being consumed by poker, respect to anyone who does this shit for a living, it's just too sick.

So, as the blog title suggests, I'm getting the slightest feeling of déjà vu here. How many times have I been here before? Am I just a really bad player? I just don't know anymore, I think I'm probably average at best but I seem incapable of banking a win. Every time I win I am reluctant to withdraw, wanting to build my roll more and more, getting greedy and wanting more money. Maybe that's my downfall. The prospect of another boring week at work for shit money is not particularly great, I feel poker is my only means of escape, the only way I'm ever gonna have money, but it hasn't happened yet, am I just kidding myself? Probably. I have A levels and a degree in English but I spend my days weeding and cutting the heads of dead roses with people who left school at 16. I don't mean to sound like a snob but is this really all there is for me? Why did I bother with education if this is where it has got me? My sister has moved out to Sydney and I want to go and visit her, but flights are so expensive I just can't afford it. Am I destined to live this mundane existence with drink and weed being the only escape?

Ha, listen to me rattling on like a moron, whatever I just needed to say how I felt, I love this sick game, but maybe I have to finally accept that I will never be a winning player. This could well be my last post in a while, good luck to all those out there who play this insane game, and I wish myself luck in whatever it is I decide to do, God knows I'll need it.

Reckless

I need to learn respect for money. I have been playing on PKR a lot recently. At first I was just dabbling in a few tournies here and there, going for a big score. Nothing came of it though, so I made the decision to deposit enough money to make it as though I had put down one deposit of $500 and had just lost a few tournies, this equated to about $330. I fucked around in cash games, spinning up to something like $800. I then withdrew the $500 so I was playing with just profit. I played lots more cash getting up to about $930 at peak with money still in play. Dropping to $500, back up to $800 etc etc this went on. Playing first $100NL, then $200 and some $400 too, my brm skills are second to none.

So yesterday I have about $700. Playing $1/$2, I build a stack, things are going well, then I proceed to get royally butt fucked by the deck. A couple of examples; me 99 flop AA9 her AQ all the money in turn an A for $400 pot. Me 79 flop 79J both all in her 10J turn is an 8. I cleverly move to $2/$4 and lose another biggie with 58h on a Q746 board with 2 hearts, he has Q7, river a 7. Dirty beats kept happening but whatever, my account was soon $0. By the way the amount of bad players on PKR is not even funny, if you can make a hand you can get paid off big time.

I go away for a bit, get some breakfast, come back and deposit $300. Sit in a $3/$6 game. Make some great calls in a fairly aggressive game and leave the room on just over $600. I then withdrew the $300 and sat in $2/$4 again with the lot. I lose all but about $24 when I stack off with K9h on an AhJhx flop against a set of jacks and I miss (yeah I'm a fish). Feeling pretty shit about almost busto again however I get KK and more than double up. Then I get 77, flat a raise to see a 78x flop I check raise all in and he has a flush draw with KQs, he misses. The only other hand I remember is limping UTG with 33, BB makes it $14 and I call. Flop Qd3d8d, he bets $30 and I call, turn a blank, he bets $65 ish and I flat call again. River is the disgusting 4d putting the 4th diamond out there. He bets $100 in to me and I do the standard '/grr' emote and get ready to fold before my brain kicks in and I give it a quick think, go with my gut and call, he shows AKc and somehow my stack has grown from $25 to over $700 in about 3o mins! I'm a lucky? shitbag sometimes, I just wish I could do a nice spin up without having lost a load first so it's actually profit!

Earlier I sat in a $5/$10 10 handed game and just sat out and watched for a bit. Temptation getting the better of me though I sat in after a while for my BB, as soon as I had done this I regretted it though lol. One short stack limper and it's folded to me, I make it $50 with AQh, give it the '/bringiton' and the short stack folds. I immediately sit out with my $15 profit. What the fuck is wrong with me why do I feel the need to play so high?! Cos I fucking love the heart pounding rush of getting all the money in with a set, hoping it holds and winning a massive pot. That's why.

I head off to E-game's house later to play a home game 5 handed. Some interesting hands, only one I'm gonna mention is when I have 86s in the SB, one limper, I complete, E-game puts in a small raise from the BB, both me and the limper call. Flop is a fairly pleasing 6 10 6, I check, E-game bets 1000, next guy min raises, and I think for a while about how to try and disguise the fact I have a 6. Kinda hard, I think flat calling here is just as strong as raising really, but maybe slightly weaker, so I flat the 2000. E-game then decides he wants to move all in for maybe 6k ish more. Other guy folds and I of course call, E-game shows AA... turn blanks and river is of course the A of diamonds. The burn card was also an ace it was revealed. So I essentially got 1 outtered for a big pot, fml I am so rigged. Luckily I had chipped up to about 15K before the hand so I was far from out, but also far from a huge stack. It was getting late so we made a deal that 3rd got their money back and I went out very shortly after in 3rd, woo!

That's all for now, I got asked if I would stay on my job over the summer, and I agreed, not really having a choice, so I will be working their until September unless anything better comes along, I need to actually look for this to happen though...

Good luck out there...oh yeah one more thing - I got 96Euros rakeback on Interpoker, let's see where this leads!

I'm rich!

Well, sort of. Not through poker though, I'll explain in a minute. First though, after the success of my last post the inevitable happened and I lost the £350; a couple of coolers and it's all over with only a couple of buy ins. I couldn't find a fold with K6 on a K67 rainbow flop out of the SB in a limped family pot for example, he had 77 of course. Losing this didn't really bother me that much it was likely to happen and I knew that, and it's not like it's the first time I've lost that amount of money! I just wish I could bring myself to withdraw more when I win nice sums of cash, but no I always tell myself I want to build a roll and end up losing it, countless times I could have withdrawn decent amounts. Oh well. I went on to lose another £90 from my bank, but stopped there, which I thought rather disicplined. I still managed to bank a win of about £150 or so over the week or so period, and of course made some rakeback, so not all was lost!

So I've not played poker in nearly a week, owing to lack of funds and working overtime at my job, coupled with gym and having some sort of social life doesn't leave a lot of free time. But anyway on to the rich bit. I think I mentioned in a previous post about the money I am owed from my last job, just under £5,000. I have been owed this for nearly a year now and never thought I would see a penny of it really. However some meeting occured with their accountants and we were told we should get something, I filled out some form they sent me and thought no more of it. Well on Friday morning before work I go to check my online banking to see if I had been paid my wages (I hadn't, surprisingly) but to my shock/joy there was an automated credit for £1896 gone into my account!!! I had no idea this was coming and was a little taken aback, but it put me in a good mood for the rest of the day, despite spending all day weeding! I was hoping it wasn't some error my boss had made because the transaction didn't say where it was from at first, I found out when I got home however it was indeed some insolvency money so happy days! They owe me more of course but that should come at a later date.

All it really means though is that I am no longer overdrawn and just slightly in the black with regards to my bank account for the first time in aaaaaaages. But when it says I have over £2,000 available it does look so nice and tempting! I have to remember I have a £2K overdraft though, bank's money not mine! I haven't put any into poker yet, I'm hesitant to, although having money in my bank makes me feel strange and I feel like I need to spend it on things so that I don't waste it playing poker. I will see how it goes, please let me stay away from £10/£20 one time!

Some action

I haven't been playing poker as much as I once did, owing to having a full time job and bit of a lack of funds. I built up a roll on Stars from a $100 deposit. Withdrew the 100 and was left with 270, but I lost it playing mainly HU games I think. Last Sunday I deposited £50 on to Interpoker and played some £50NL and managed to win some. I withdrew £75 for a small profit and played on with the rest. As of Friday night I had got up to £279, and after a hard week at work I settled down with a few beers to see what I could do at £100NL. Frustrating session however, not being able to hit hands, getting pushed about a bit by aggressive Europeans which worked as I was playing scared money. I ended up losing it all.

I had been paid 2 weeks wages on Thursday so as soon as I lost the last pot I automatically reached for the deposit page, ignoring the voice in my head telling me I was gonna lose all my hard earned money, it was impossible to not re-deposit. So I put £100 in, got up to £193 and then lost the lot, again. So again I deposit another £100, I knuckle down, I can beat these clowns I thought, just play good fool! This is getting bad now I was thinking, I can't afford to be losing this money, have debts to pay, but tilt is too strong. I finished the night on roughly £150.

Saturday - play some more, I win a nice pot with AA. It goes like this. Folded to the SB who makes it £3, I make it £14 (a little large but I did this same raise to this same player a few hands before so I know he thinks I'm at it and doesn't wanna get pushed around. Flop 333, so ideal for aces, he checks, I check, gotta look weak. Turn a K, he checks, I bet £15 and he insta-shoves for another £83 or so to me! I can't call quickly enough and ship the pot my way as he shows K8. After this I have about £293 in my account. So I do something sensible for once and withdraw the £200 I had deposited and leave myself with £93. I play more later, super loose and super aggressive on a table with another even looser player who called 99% of my raises pre flop. I get down to £38ish at worst but leave the room on about £200 I think, not entirely sure.

I play a bit more here and there and bank a couple of £50 wins. Want something to show for the money so withdraw £100. I play again today, two rooms of £150NL this time. On one table I make over £200 and leave, I stay on the other though, because it was ridiculously loose. I raised to £9 on more than one occasion pre flop and got calls from all 4 other players. Almost every pot was a family pot regardless of pre flop raises. Lots of the players on the Boss network are crazy Europeans so it can be very profitable! Here is a nice pot I win with Aces, it shows dollars but I'm playing in pounds. Another ideal flop for my hand, I wonder what he had? Annoying that the hand history doesn't show what they had when they muck. I had been raising a lot pre flop quite large with good starting hands but having to check missed flops because the entire table would usually call, so I think my check here is the right play. At best I'm up £150 in this room but leave £80 up. I withdraw £122 to leave me with exactly a £350 roll. So I make it that I'm up £625 since yesterday morning and about £550 on the week, not entirely sure and I can't be bothered to work it out. Of course I'm earning rake back all the time as well.

So I guess it worked out well this weekend, it could have been a different story of course, I need to be careful. At least I have won a bit of money to pay for things like my car tax which is due and over £100 for 6 months! I need a set of new wheels for my car because one of the alloys is totally cracked, not gonna go for anything flashy though I'm not that bothered, no idea where to get them from either and what size etc? Anyway I have a £350 roll now! How long will it last?! I should obviously play lower, but I just have no interest in grinding right now, I don't have the time to put the hours in and it just bores me. I like the feeling of winning big pots, lol.

Will leave with this hand that I played sometime mid week (£ not $!). It was a turbo room and I literally had what felt like about 6 seconds to make a decision on the turn. The hand just confused me and to be honest I didn't really have a clue if I was ahead, if I had had more time to think about it perhaps I would have folded but the turboness got to me!

I plan to play the $20,000 guaranteed tonight on PKR for $22 buy in if I have had dinner in time. It starts in an hour so not looking too promising lol. Might have to play another on there instead, it's been a while.

Edit: This just happened, what a lucky fish, ouch.

*Sigh*

I just spent the last 8 hours of my life playing a $5 MTT on PokerStars. The $10,000 guaranteed became $17,145 when registration ended and there was 3,429 runners. I finished 7th for $360.05, 1st place was $2314.58! These things are so top heavy. Final table I was completely card dead and when I did pick up something mediocre I got 3 bet huge and had to lay it. Ended up blinding away before shoving the button with J9 and being called by the big blind's A10h - jack on the flop but also an ace and it's all over. Bit demoralising as I was playing a great game up until just before the final table and then being card dead. Oh well, $360 is quite welcome at the moment but when you play for soooooooooo long and get close to a (for me) very nice score it's hard to not feel disappointed. I was thinking of how I was gonna spend the money if I won lol. Another time.

Oh well gonna go and make myself some food now it's been a while since I ate! Back to work tomorrow after the 4 day weekend, ho hum!

About time!

RIGHT! It's about time I updated my blog! I'll see what I can remember from when I last posted although I'm sure I'll forget loads. OK, so I was totally broke and couldn't find a job so I did what I always told myself I wouldn't and signed on at the job centre. The process was fairly easy, have a little interview about what sort of work you want etc, then you turn up every two weeks with your 'work diary', show it to them, sign something and get £120 every two weeks. It's a fucking joke to be honest - the work diary, which is supposed to show everything you are doing to look for work is so easy to fake, and they don't seem to give a shit. I used to fill mine out the night before, don't get me wrong I was looking for jobs, but I would make a lot of it up too. It really is too easy to be out of work, and if £60 a week is enough for you, then what's the incentive to get a job? I read in the paper once about a guy who worked on an oil rig who said he had to be drug tested so that he could earn money. And whilst he said he had no problem helping to pay the dole to help get people back on their feet, he did have a problem with people sitting on their arses and using the money to fund their drinking and drug habits. If he had to pass a drugs test so that he could earn the money he is taxed on, why, therefore, shouldn't those claiming the dole have to pass a drug test too? I couldn't agree with him more, and I have a sneaky suspicion that a hell of a lot of people would all of a sudden be losing their dole if this was introduced. Anyway, £60 a week wasn't enough for me, and I wanted to work, I wanted money, not least so I could play some poker again. Also I was borrowing more and more and things were getting a bit desperate, I had to borrow money from my sister to pay my direct debits and god knows what I would have done without my Dad, he always comes through for me and I'm very lucky.

So I was looking for work with little success. It's a cliche right now but there really is fuck all work out there at the moment, even the most basic office positions are getting so many applicants, it's not a good time to be looking for work. A friend of mine used to work for Ocado and I thought this seemed like a job I might enjoy. I checked out the website and they had positions locally for drivers, I hesitated though, wanting to find out a little more before I filled in the application. Joppa went through the process and I was waiting to see what he wrote about it before I went ahead and did it, cos I'm such a fucking pussy sometimes and I wanted to avoid scary group interview type situations, I thought I would let someone else do it first, taking the easy route again. Alas when I decided to just go ahead and fill out the online form, the job had gone, fml.

So this went on, looking for jobs on the net, going into agencies etc, but I was getting no where. It came to a head when my step dad had had enough of me and launched into a tirade about how I take the piss shouldn't be taking food from the house not paying rent bla bla, and that he would make my life hell if I stayed there. I took that as a hint and moved out to a friends house that night, things weren't looking too good. I was in e-mail correspondence with my Mum whilst I was away and I think he was getting grief from her so we arranged to have a meeting and sort out our differences.

It just so happens that whilst I was 'moved out', I got a call from a mate of mine offering me work. About 2 months working as a gardener in some rose gardens. I said yes, of course, and I have just finished my third week there. The money is crap, £45 a day take home, and it's hard work as you can imagine, especially this last week cos I have been pretty ill, puking and shitting water on Monday night, only now just feeling better, too much info? tough haha. However, I'm working with my mates from school and we have a laugh, when the weather is nice it's great (I got sunburnt in my first week!) and it feels good to actually be working again. Something happens when you work, despite how horrible it is to have to get up early enough to start work at 8, you feel good for it. I'm a much happier person than when I didn't have a job. I had been out of work so long, I was sleeping too much and feeling generally depressed a lot of the time, I can relate a lot to what Joppa and Would-Be write about, I believe it's healthy to be working, and you sure as hell appreciate your weekends more!

So, now I am earning money and getting paid weekly, £225 a week, not great but beggars can't be choosers and in the current climate I am lucky to have work and I certainly appreciate the value of money more! I owe quite a bit obviously so most of what I am getting is going straight to others, but it feels good to pay it back, albeit slowly. The rose gardens open in June so when this job is over it's back to the hunt, I can't wait lol!

ANYWAY, I have rambled on far too much, there is more I wanted to say but this doesn't need to turn in to my life story and it's a poker blog anyway. So, poker. I didn't play for a long time because I was broke, I borrowed some money from a couple of mates on Stars, but it never really went anywhere. When I got hold of a bit of significant money though I wanted to play on Interpoker because of rakeback which I can't stress enough is the most amazing thing to happen to online poker ever, rakeback that is. So crypto is dead, it will always have a good memory for me because it was on crypto that I went on the best spin up of my life a couple of years back, turning £20 into about £8,000 in about 10 days. I won't forget the night I came home drunk after bragging about how I was gonna make millions at online poker, only to lose the lot in a few short hours at £10/£20. I didn't feel anywhere near as depressed as I should have about losing such a vast sum of money, easy come easy go, I thought, oh to have that money now!

So Interpoker is now on the IPN (Independant Poker Network), the software is a bit sucky, instead of 6-max they have 5-max which I actually like, and you can still play in pounds or euros or dollars, and I'm still getting rakeback! So it's all good really. I currently have a roll of about £140 and will see what I can do with it, I still don't have any BRM so I will as easily lose it as spin it up.

Couple of other things I want to mention, I bought Street Fighter IV for my PS3 and it's brillllllliant. Also, I went to see Marley and Me a couple of weeks ago at the cinema, being a dog lover and all. Pretty good film, not remotely the slapstick comedy type film you would believe it to be by the way it is marketed. So I really wasn't prepared for what has to be one of the saddest endings to a film I have ever seen. The sadness is eeked out for about the last 25 minutes of the film and boy do they do a good job! I was actually trying so fucking hard to not cry seeing as I was in a cinema and all, but my god, I defy anyone, dog lover or not, to not shed a tear at this film, practically everyone in the cinema was crying! Seeing as I have an old dog it just made the situation worse! Good film though lol. I would like to end on a quote from the end of the film, this is gonna make me seem like a total dog loving saddo but I don't care cos I thought it was just a great quote and in the context of the film is really quite touching. OK I do sound like a saddo but I don't care, so here it is:

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, or big homes, or designer clothes. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart, and he’ll give you his.

How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare, and pure, and special? How many people can make you feel...extraordinary?"