Update

I'm gonna try and do all this from memory so it might not all be 100% accurate. Starting with how I lost my roll. Welllllll its kinda funny really in a sick way. The roll was approaching £1300 but I had taken a few hits and it was on something like £1,060. This happened from 6 tabling and constantly topping up my stack to maximum in all rooms if I lost a pot, this all adds up cos there was a lot of sick pot losing going on! All the usual nasty crap kept missing the flop bad beats probably playing bad and too loose too etc etc. Playing 6 tables might not have been the best idea!

Anyway I played another night plus a couple of multis and pretty much the same shit happened till my roll was at about £860! I took a break and played some Tekken online, now I'm usually pretty good but I got my arse kicked! This really pissed me off so I logged back on in a bad mood and searched around for a table to play. I noticed someone sitting in $5/$10 Fixed Limit heads up room with $200 so I decided it would be an excellent idea to play a game in which I have no clue about the strategy and that is about 50 times above my bankroll. I managed to get him down to $60 quickly winning with hands like middle pair etc. I had watched a bit of FL before and knew that sometimes rubbish hands were good at showdown. Easy money I thought this guy is a fish. How wrong was I, he topped up and proceeded to beat me in pot after pot after pot, so many times he would raise me on the turn with absolutely nothing and hit on the river, gutshot, over card whatever it was so so so so sick! Anyway I dropped about £760 in about 40 mins to this guy, I knew I was gonna lose it all yet I couldn't come out of the room, I literally could not stop myself, like some form of self punishment or something I couldn't be happy till I lost the lot, wtf is wrong with me?! I somehow left with about $200 left and played in £1/£2 HU with the whole £97 knowing I would probably lose it all. Someone sat with the same amount as me and I quickly lost it. It was all i could do to not reach for the deposit page instantly, luckily he left however and I wrote that post feeling like shit and went to bed in a depressed mood.

However it's not like I was gonna quit or anything so I deposited £300 and played £0.50/£1 the next day I think! Well I won about £170 so I withdrew the £300 and played with that. One night I went on a sick run starting with £50 and leaving on about £370. The roll was back up to about £570 in just a couple of days. However the next day I lost it all bar £75 with some sick coolers like Q high flush vs K high flush on a 3 diamond board with A of diamonds showing. Lost when I accidentally raised 23s to £5 - flop came J 2 3 turn 9 river 3 - he had 99 obv my pot bet on the flop wasn't enough. Well it started with coolers such as that then turned to tilt, the only reason I managed to salvage my last £74 was because my friend literally wouldn't shut up till I logged off, I could not leave! Something in my head was making me stay till I lost it all it's chemical I swear - I need help!

Anyway the next day I got home from work and lost it quickly. Since then I have been depositing and not winning. Playing lots of heads up with no roll trying to spin and failing, sigh. My bank account now reads £0.00, however I do get paid on Wednesday, not good though is that I have already lost about £150 of my shit wage because I deposited money when my bank did that thing when transactions temporarily sort of reverse allowing me to spend the money but its not really there, sounds weird I know. Not really sure where to go from here, I should probably quit I can't keep hold of a roll, thing is I'm addicted and I have shown I can win money at this game, I just don't have the right mind for it and something takes over when I tilt that I just can't control. I will probably go on with the same win/bust cycle however until that huge tourney win I know is coming lol. If all else fails I can always get an overdraft again. Aarrgh irontwat!

Oh yeh someone came into my heads up room yesterday to say he reads my blog! I didn't think anyone read it really so that was cool, he's a good player too I have played him before, so shout out to royalfire - donate me some buy ins sometime mate eh?