Challenge

It's time to get serious. I have set myself a challenge that I am going to try my hardest to stick to. The premise is quite simple, bankroll management.

PKR are doing a reload bonus, up to $600. So I thought I would take advantage of this and deposit the full $600. I need to earn something like 150,000 points to clear it but I will get this eventually and I have a couple of months to do it.

So anyway, here's the plan. Play NO HIGHER than $50NL. OK I know starting with 12 buy ins is not the best bankroll management but I'm confident at this level especially at $50NL. So, as a rough plan, play $50NL until I reach $1600, then withdraw the $600 I originally deposited. Continue at this level until I reach $3000 (lol) then move up to $100 and move back down again if I fall below $2000. Further withdrawals might come into it but I'll think more about that later. Getting rich quick is just gonna have to wait, it's all about the grind!

I know this sounds a little optimistic, but I neeeeeeeeeed to try this for my own sanity and to prove that I can win in the long term. It's gonna be hard not to tilt but of course it wouldn't be a challenge if it wasn't hard would it?

So here goes, $50NL for ages probably! I hope to be able to move up to $100NL by Christmas. Rakeback and the $600 bonus should obviously help a lot. I will play 2 rooms max because my computer has enough trouble dealing with that anyway. As for tournaments, as a general rule play no higher then $20 games I guess, but there might be some good value higher ones every now and then, I will have to see.

A little example of some of the players on PKR at this level. I raise KK pre to $3 on a loose table and get 2 callers, flop is 653 with two hearts and I overbet the $9 pot with an $11 bet or something, get one caller, turn is another 6 and I put the guy all in, he insta calls with A5o and I river the K anyway, lol.

So anyway, here goes, I really hope I can do this!

So far...

Thursday +$114
Friday +$47

Bankroll - $761

Déjà Vu

To hell with it.

How many times have I been here? At this moment in time I'm giving serious consideration to just giving up poker for good. Let me explain.

After my last post I built up my PKR roll to $1700 at peak, a nice sum of money by any standards, mine especially. At this stage I was even sticking mainly to $100NL. However if I have a losing session, something happens to me and I just move up levels. This I did last weekend, I went down to about $200 at worst, then back up to $1400, phew I thought. Later though it all went, I even played some $5/$10. So later in the week I deposit $500, start again. Friday night just gone I sat in a $1/$2 room at 20:30, by half past midnight my stack read $1,231 and I left the room. Over $1000 made in 4 hours at $1/$2, I impressed myself. I then withdrew the $500 and got the rest up to about $1070 at peak, back in the game.

Last night however I didn't listen to the voice inside my head and play $5/$10 again, it's not long before it's gone. I reach for the deposit page and try to deposit $800 but I can't as I have weekly deposit limits set up. So $500 is all I was allowed. I sit back in, get down to about $390. Then clearly on tilt I call a $40 raise in position with J3s. Three of us to the J high flop with two spades, perfect. It's checked to me and I decide to shove, then the first to check moves all in and has the pre flop raiser covered, he folds. I know what he has with this play, I know 100% what he has and I'm not happy about it, the nut flush draw, sure enough he shows A8s. No spade no ace I think, as you do. Instant service on the turn as the spade drops and my flush is no good to his, an ace on the river just to rub it in that if he has missed the flush, he still beats me. I can't deposit any more and I'm done for the night.

Today then I try and deposit more but I have a $1000 weekly deposit limit, I try and change this but you need 3 forms of documentation and it takes 2 days anyway, fuck that. So I avoid playing all day and decide to register for the Sunday Warm Up on Stars. It's only the equivalent of £130, who cares right?! I'm out within 15 minutes when I slow play KK and lose to a flopped set of 3's. I couldn't get away from the hand, maybe I'm not good enough?

So, a bit later, I decide to give myself a roll on Interpoker simply because of rakeback (oh yeah I lost the £150 or so I had in here earlier in the week). I play heads up for a bit, win a bit, then move on to £50NL 5-max. I win a bit then lose a bit, and in the end I just think, fuck it. I left the rooms and withdrew £516, I cashed a win of £16!!! I was not having any fun whilst playing, and the thought of losing it just depressed me further. I felt like my soul was being consumed by poker, respect to anyone who does this shit for a living, it's just too sick.

So, as the blog title suggests, I'm getting the slightest feeling of déjà vu here. How many times have I been here before? Am I just a really bad player? I just don't know anymore, I think I'm probably average at best but I seem incapable of banking a win. Every time I win I am reluctant to withdraw, wanting to build my roll more and more, getting greedy and wanting more money. Maybe that's my downfall. The prospect of another boring week at work for shit money is not particularly great, I feel poker is my only means of escape, the only way I'm ever gonna have money, but it hasn't happened yet, am I just kidding myself? Probably. I have A levels and a degree in English but I spend my days weeding and cutting the heads of dead roses with people who left school at 16. I don't mean to sound like a snob but is this really all there is for me? Why did I bother with education if this is where it has got me? My sister has moved out to Sydney and I want to go and visit her, but flights are so expensive I just can't afford it. Am I destined to live this mundane existence with drink and weed being the only escape?

Ha, listen to me rattling on like a moron, whatever I just needed to say how I felt, I love this sick game, but maybe I have to finally accept that I will never be a winning player. This could well be my last post in a while, good luck to all those out there who play this insane game, and I wish myself luck in whatever it is I decide to do, God knows I'll need it.

Reckless

I need to learn respect for money. I have been playing on PKR a lot recently. At first I was just dabbling in a few tournies here and there, going for a big score. Nothing came of it though, so I made the decision to deposit enough money to make it as though I had put down one deposit of $500 and had just lost a few tournies, this equated to about $330. I fucked around in cash games, spinning up to something like $800. I then withdrew the $500 so I was playing with just profit. I played lots more cash getting up to about $930 at peak with money still in play. Dropping to $500, back up to $800 etc etc this went on. Playing first $100NL, then $200 and some $400 too, my brm skills are second to none.

So yesterday I have about $700. Playing $1/$2, I build a stack, things are going well, then I proceed to get royally butt fucked by the deck. A couple of examples; me 99 flop AA9 her AQ all the money in turn an A for $400 pot. Me 79 flop 79J both all in her 10J turn is an 8. I cleverly move to $2/$4 and lose another biggie with 58h on a Q746 board with 2 hearts, he has Q7, river a 7. Dirty beats kept happening but whatever, my account was soon $0. By the way the amount of bad players on PKR is not even funny, if you can make a hand you can get paid off big time.

I go away for a bit, get some breakfast, come back and deposit $300. Sit in a $3/$6 game. Make some great calls in a fairly aggressive game and leave the room on just over $600. I then withdrew the $300 and sat in $2/$4 again with the lot. I lose all but about $24 when I stack off with K9h on an AhJhx flop against a set of jacks and I miss (yeah I'm a fish). Feeling pretty shit about almost busto again however I get KK and more than double up. Then I get 77, flat a raise to see a 78x flop I check raise all in and he has a flush draw with KQs, he misses. The only other hand I remember is limping UTG with 33, BB makes it $14 and I call. Flop Qd3d8d, he bets $30 and I call, turn a blank, he bets $65 ish and I flat call again. River is the disgusting 4d putting the 4th diamond out there. He bets $100 in to me and I do the standard '/grr' emote and get ready to fold before my brain kicks in and I give it a quick think, go with my gut and call, he shows AKc and somehow my stack has grown from $25 to over $700 in about 3o mins! I'm a lucky? shitbag sometimes, I just wish I could do a nice spin up without having lost a load first so it's actually profit!

Earlier I sat in a $5/$10 10 handed game and just sat out and watched for a bit. Temptation getting the better of me though I sat in after a while for my BB, as soon as I had done this I regretted it though lol. One short stack limper and it's folded to me, I make it $50 with AQh, give it the '/bringiton' and the short stack folds. I immediately sit out with my $15 profit. What the fuck is wrong with me why do I feel the need to play so high?! Cos I fucking love the heart pounding rush of getting all the money in with a set, hoping it holds and winning a massive pot. That's why.

I head off to E-game's house later to play a home game 5 handed. Some interesting hands, only one I'm gonna mention is when I have 86s in the SB, one limper, I complete, E-game puts in a small raise from the BB, both me and the limper call. Flop is a fairly pleasing 6 10 6, I check, E-game bets 1000, next guy min raises, and I think for a while about how to try and disguise the fact I have a 6. Kinda hard, I think flat calling here is just as strong as raising really, but maybe slightly weaker, so I flat the 2000. E-game then decides he wants to move all in for maybe 6k ish more. Other guy folds and I of course call, E-game shows AA... turn blanks and river is of course the A of diamonds. The burn card was also an ace it was revealed. So I essentially got 1 outtered for a big pot, fml I am so rigged. Luckily I had chipped up to about 15K before the hand so I was far from out, but also far from a huge stack. It was getting late so we made a deal that 3rd got their money back and I went out very shortly after in 3rd, woo!

That's all for now, I got asked if I would stay on my job over the summer, and I agreed, not really having a choice, so I will be working their until September unless anything better comes along, I need to actually look for this to happen though...

Good luck out there...oh yeah one more thing - I got 96Euros rakeback on Interpoker, let's see where this leads!