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Well, its been a long time since my last post. That is partly owing to the fact that I did not play poker for a long time because it was December and a very expensive month and I basically had no money to play with, and partly because I really didn't feel like playing. I managed to play in January, spinning up a £5 deposit into over £300 and withdrawing about £270 of this. However, things turned for the worst. I lost what i had left and on Thursday night lost about £60 which really, really annoyed me. So on Friday I deposited £140 in order to make a total of £200 to build a roll or whatever. Things were going well, but on Friday night I got drunk, and started to play at about 2am, I was playing this guy at $0.50/$1 heads up and he was just owning me so bad, I couldn't get my head round him so I left and had to deposit another £100. In drunk frame of mind I went and played some $1/$2 Omaha and went down to $90 ish, somehow however, in not very long this went up to about $680 and I really cant remember how. I then had £340 - but all in the one room, this is the point I should have left, £40 up by a miracle. However, I of course got greedy and ended up losing the lot in about the next hour, Omaha is a crazy crazy game. A guy next to me had just done a $600 stack in no time so I just followed suit.

Well, I then called it a night at 4:30am, mega pissed off. Still on tilt Saturday I managed to donk off another £250 or so, playing various games and limits. Never in the frame of mind to turn temporary wins into permanent ones. Well all that left me with about £22 in my bank account and I don't get paid till the 16th. So I had to ring my bank and arrange a new overdraft, that I had worked so hard to clear. It's funny how it can all turn around so very quickly. I wonder if I will ever learn? Probably not, especially after reading sites like this.

I just got off the phone to the bank and have arranged a new £1000 overdraft, I'm somewhat frightened about receiving this money as I can easily see myself losing it. Already I am making plans in my head of what to do with it: I will put £200 into PokerStars and another £200 into InterPoker, and see where I go from there. I've had enough of the ugly Betfred, although I might try to qualify for the $2,000,000 guaranteed they have coming up soon. I plan to play mainly MTT's. Nice idea but lets see how long it will last.

I have got to thinking recently, how many of my kind of player are there out there? I remember reading that only 5% of online poker players are winning players...5%. That means that 95% of us that enjoy the thrill of the virtual felt, huddled over the monitor for sometimes hours on end, clicking the deposit page over and over are losing our money. Sure we have a few wins here and there, the game can seem so easy sometimes, and it's for this reason that so many people will remain trapped in the endless cycle of winning a bit, but ultimately losing more, always reaching for the same heights of the likes of Brian Townsend and the shipitholla boys. How many people are thinking that if they can do it, why can't I? - I've read just as many books, have put in just as many hands, have made just as amazing river calls with bottom pair, I deserve to be a winner... and no matter how many setbacks I have, I WILL make the kind of money one day that will enable me to do this professionally and live out the dream that so few people actually have. We've all thought it at some points, right?

To escape the daily grind is such an alluring prospect that I don't think I will ever quit playing poker, sure I will have breaks here and there, but like so many others before me, Ed Hollis, Luckyjimm etc, we will always keep coming back as long as the sites stay in business, and most likely always lose, I wish my fellow degenerates the best of luck, they need it as much as I do.

I plan on winning the Sunday Million before this year is up, wish me luck?