Fell at the last hurdle

Firstly lol at this picture! I haven't posted in a while because I haven't played in a while because I have no money to play with! I bust the Stars roll obviously so since then have had a break. Wanting to play however I used up my points on PKR. I had about 95,000 and used 40,000 to enter some $25 multi which was uneventful. The other points I used on their Heads Up phase tournaments - 5,500 points for a level 1 ticket which is worth $4. There are 10 stages in all with the winner of the final stage getting $380 and the runner up a meagre $95. If you lose stage 3 you go back to stage 1, lose 5 go back to 3 etc. To start with I ran bad and never got past level 2 or maybe 3. I got all the way down to when I had enough points for just one more crack....

...so I used it up, and ended up winning 9 games in a row putting me all the way through to the Final Phase! Of course I lose this though, ffs! My AA got cracked early on by KJ when the guy called a big pot bet on flop to hit his gutshot on the turn with ease. I fucked it up though whatever. I so wanted to write a post about being a 10-wins-in-a-row-heads-up-king, but alas, such is my life! I then went off to tilt a away a buy in at $50NL and sat with my last $45 which is now on $86, I doubt it will last long. I'm job hunting right now so I look forward to a mundane life, not!

Edit: Yep, it's gone. What a fucking waste of time, so demoralising, fuck my life!!!

A little more positive...

Ok, so I'm back a lot sooner than I thought and that's cos some money randomly appeared in my bank, so I put it on Stars... about £24. I played a wee bit of $50NL cash earlier for a small profit and just now played an 18 person S&G for $11 and finished 2nd. Now this is by no means on par with winning a WSOP bracelet but it feels extra good because I was down to 188 chips within about the first ten hands. Now usually most people, myself included, would simply give up at this point and shove the chips in on the very next hand. However, I was determined to fight back, play well and a few well timed shoves and I somehow got back in the game. I would have won it too I had a huge chip lead HU and I was one card away but he dinked a 9 on the river. I was also playing $50 NL cash at the same time to stop me from getting bored and sat with $25, this time leaving when up, on $80.

This is all pretty small time but it's just the fact that I didn't give up and played my best to come back from being almost out to one card away from winning the thing. It's just a confidence boost really and I thought I would come and write down how I was feeling, a world apart from the last couple of days, I guess it's just nice to win a bit.

I was also reading an article in some magazine called Stacked that PKR randomly sent me about people feeling that they have the worst luck, especially when it comes to MTT's. A good quote from the article to think about - "Surprisingly few poker players seem to really understand the nature of variance and the maths that underpins the game they play. Yes, they may understand odds but I'm talking about long term expectation on the table... I hear a lot of players moan when their AK doesn't hold up against AQ. They believe they are cursed because they lost a hand when they felt they should have won. Even when someone has a 7:3 chance of winning they could lose five times in a row without it being too uncanny. There are many players that don't see the poker Matrix and simply believe that they are the unluckiest players alive". How true is that? I guess until you can accept that you will get sucked out on again and again you will always have a problem as a poker player, it's something I am definitely going to try and work on, deep breaths...

I have now got $145.15 on Stars, I wonder what will become of it?

More of the same

Only played one tournament today, span up the buy in required to play by playing some $0.25/$0.50 HU, then my bust out hand, standard.

I'm so used to it by now but it doesn't hurt any less, when will my hand hold up?

Are you serious? I mean are you really fucking serious!?? Exact same thing happened to me yesterday on PKR, top 20 paid, 10 from the money, DONK min raises UTG, I shove 1010 she calls with 66, pot was for 3rd in chips, 6 on the flop, SIGH.

Man this blog sucks, it's likely I won't be playing for a while now, oh well, I'll be back one day...

Fucking fucking FUCK OFF!!!!

My luck is so fucking shit everyone and I mean EVERYONE gets lucky against me yet I can't get a bit of luck against anyone else I am so fucking wound up right now it's unbelievable it's all I can do to not smash the fuck out of my fucking monitor, fuck fuck fuck!

This hand just sent me over the edge I called the fucking river it's so obvious it's not even funny FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!

I know I shouldn't get so wound up but it's been all day plus I need to get a fucking job and the thought of working some mind numbing 9-5 doing the same shit every day making small talk with the same mindless morons everyday is not helping my mood, FUCK MY LIFE!