Inevitable?

I have lost my entire roll. Since my last post my roll fluctuated and I was down to £75 at one point before working it all the way back up to £450. I managed to download Betfred poker at work, which I didn't think I could do, and play whilst I was working. Probably a big mistake, its not the ideal environment to play in, although on the first day I made about £130, the 2nd day about £75 and on the 3rd I was up £80 and had £450 in the roll, then it all went wrong. A combination of playing like a tilting fish and bluffing too much and I lost some. Then at lunchtime I played $1/$2 HU and lost a lot, got unlucky a lot too. Managed to get it all in pre flop with AKo against his AQo and he made a flush for a $360 pot. A lot of coolers etc and by the time I went home I had just £50 left.

Time to dig my heels in I thought and work it back. At home I played a guy $0.50/$1 HU, he was insane and kept pushing pre flop for $60+, I quite easily took him for $100. I got my roll back up to about £120 then played the same guy who had got lucky against me earlier in $1/$2 HU and sat with $100, left on $50 however.

Saturday morning now, came into the game with £83 roll and sat with $175 in a HU $1/$2 game. Managed to play very well and took someone for the $190 they were sitting with. They left, so did I with £170 and feeling good about myself knowing I could work it back again. Then I made my most fatal mistake, more stupid that playing limits I was not rolled for, I sat in a 6 max room of $0.50/$1 OMAHA... It was HU for a while and I was playing solid and was up $20, then the room filled and it all went wrong. So many fishes and outdraws and I started becoming a reckless gambling fish myself. On one hand after I had lost a lot I called a raise and a re raise for $28 with something trashy like Qh6h4hX and the flop was 3 5 x with 2 spades, so I needed a 2 or a 7 for a straight, anyway we were all all in, so much value in the pot, and the turn was a glorious 7, however I was up against a set of 7's and a flush draw and the river brought the inevitable spade to see the $265 pot that was mine one card ago ship the other way. I quickly lost the remainder of what I had holding A92x on a 9 3 2 rainbow board, the guy hit a 4 on the turn for a straight when we were all in on the flop, happy days.

Remembering the $25 I had on PKR, I logged on and withdrew it, then deposited the equivalent £12.50 onto Betfred in an attempt to spin it. Sat with it in a $0.25/$0.50 HU room. Was winning then this guy decided he liked to go all in PF if i raised all the time. I called him with A4s and his KJ won, back to even, then same thing happened and I stupidly called him with K8s against his A8. The very next hand he pushes and I call with 1010, he has J9off, the flop comes a nice 10 high with 2 hearts, Q of hearts on the turn however and I can already see how this was ending, needing a K, an 8 or a heart on the river he promptly hit an 8 to completely bust me, nice way to end it with a runner runner against top set. Is somebody trying to tell me something?

Well, it has been a fun couple of months of trying to build a roll. It was all going swimmingly for a long time, but then a lapse from BRM and the inevitable happened. My roll at peak reached £550, how I wish I could go back to how it was then, I would surely drop down the levels. Maybe I am not cut out to be a successful poker player? Mabye I just have too much gamble in me, the bigger stakes seem so alluring, especially with a half decent roll behind me. I guess it all stems from when I turned £20 into over £8000 in 10 days 2 winters ago by moving up the stakes quickly. Once you have tasted how easily it can be done its very hard to stay disciplined, of course that money didn't last long however, losing most of it in a drunken £10/£20 session in a couple of hours in the early hours of the morning. How cruel this game can be at times.

Well i made a fair few withdrawals over the last couple of months, probably up about £200 - £300 or something in that time. However, if I want to play again I need to make a proper deposit which I really do NOT want to do. I have been doing so well on saving money recently; not really going out, buying cheap food for the week, withdrawing bits from my poker roll to cover my spending etc, and with Christmas coming up, my car MOT and tax due, I need all the money I can get. Yesterday I had an extra £450, which probably would have paid for the lot, but there is no point dwelling. Its possible I may not post in a while, I'm not sure if I am going to continue playing. Depositing £50 or whatever will seem like such a small amount on the tables, yet in real bankroll terms it is a lot and I need it, have had better days :-(

Bankroll - £0.00

edit - just lost £50 on Interpoker, played for hours and lost it on the last hand with my AK against some morons A8, ffs.